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I survived Canada's scariest corn-maze.

Every path led back to the scarecrow.
Left. Right. Straight ahead. Another left. Another right. It didn't matter. Every single path in this 'so boring it was almost impressive’ corn-maze led back to the stupid-fucking-scarecrow. And even the word 'Scarecrow' was a beyond charitable way to describe a five-foot tall stick-man made out of literal sticks. A five-foot stick for the body and four two-foot sticks for the limbs. Barely held together with red twine. They even threw a dollar-store straw hat on top for good measure. Admittedly, this kindergarten arts-and-crafts dummy was a fitting mascot for this entire corn-maze 'experience.' A cheap stand-in of overdone Halloween cliche's all thrown together at the last second. All with glowing online reviews like: "I couldn't sleep for days after this one!" and "Absolute mind-fuck” and "Easily the scariest corn-maze in Alberta!"
Never trust online reviews.
Rose held the map, while I followed. The only interesting thing about this whole experience was the cornstalks themselves. Rising higher than a two-story house on either side. I didn't even know they grew that tall. Rose and I squeezed our way down winding paths as corn scraped against our shoulders on either side. Always a tight fit. Finally, we broke into a painfully familiar four-foot by four-foot circular clearing. Three paths. Three choices. We'd been out here four hours already, and the sun was drifting downward.
"Okay I'm like Ninety-seven percent sure this is it." said Rose, pointing to her left, "Maybe we'll run into the stick-man again…"
I shook my head, "You mean one of a dozen stick-men?"
"Hey fuck you. It's the exact same scarecrow." Said Rose, pushing forward
Shrugging, I followed her down the next path. The percussive sound of shuffling cornstalks buzzed around my ears. Like a swarm of locusts; Boring halloween locusts. Thus far, in my highly objective opinion: nothing about this maze had even come close to scary. Creepy, maybe a little, at first sure. But after the third 'scarecrow' run-in, things were getting boring pretty fast. Mind-numbingly boring.
"Twenty minutes for this to get interesting, or I'm calling it," I said, referring to the 'emergency' phone number given to us by the corn-maze owner: "If y'all find things get too much." She wore an obviously fake eye-patch and spoke with an even faker southern drawl "If things get too much. Y'all call this number y'hear? Mhm. We'll send help to com'n get ya," she spat dryly onto the farmhouse porch "All games n' fun til' night fall" she shook her head, "There’s no controllin’ these Maze People after dark."
Maze People. I physically cringed at this whole operation; everything felt way too forced. Way too scripted. They even made us sign a stupid fake waiver so we couldn't sue for 'Trauma'.
As 'haunted’ fun house connoisseurs go, Rose and I had pretty high standards. A fact that only made Rose's enthusiasm all the more frustrating. Usually, she saw right through the bullshit but this time, she was mesmerized. Laughing with giddy excitement every single time we ran into that stupid stick-man.
Our whole conflict stemmed from one simple disagreement: Rose believed it was the exact same stick man every time, but I knew, it was one of many. Likely set up by camouflaged workers as we explored. That would explain the occasional rustlings in the fields. That or the so-called ‘Maze People’. Based on high-school math alone, it would've been literally impossible for it to be the exact same scarecrow (unless a corn farmer discovered teleportation ahead of mainstream science). Of course, Rose strongly disagreed. She insisted there was some trickery at play, like an unexplained magic trick. But I ran the numbers: multiple scarecrows were the only possible explanation. Regardless, this whole dispute would be settled soon enough. Rose tied a purple bracelet made of plastic flowers around the last scarecrow. If it showed up on the next scarecrow then-
"-Didn't you make that bracelet back in grade school?" I asked. Rose only shrugged, "I guess it's time to move on," she said. Rose was a little odd sometimes, but that’s why I liked her.
"-Katy…" Rose stopped moving, "up ahead." She whispered.
I peered over her shoulder, down the narrow path, about forty feet away: another stick-man scarecrow. This time it stood upright, lazily twisting back and forth. Fishing wire. "Spooky," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Rose ignored me and stepped forward. I followed. Suddenly, the scarecrow collapsed. "Fuck” Rose hissed under her breath, genuinely startled. I chuckled.
We pushed forward and reached the fallen stick-man. Rose bent forward, resting hands on her knees. She breathed a sigh of disappointment: No purple flower bracelet.
"Multiple scarecrows" I said, "I rest my case."
Rose squat down and studied the scarecrow, "Okay fine, you win," she said, her voice filled with annoyance. It was getting darker now. Daylight dimming as a red sun pulled down behind the gently swaying cornstalks.
"We should call it," I sighed, "I don't want to be out here when the 'Maze People' show up" I said mockingly.
"Sure," Said Rose, pushing back up to standing. She pulled her out her phone, dialed the ‘emergency’ number, and set it to speaker. A smooth tone rang out three times until somebody answered.
"Hey…" said Rose, “It’s the girls from earlier, we're stuck out here."
No response. We leaned in closer. Now, the sound of breathing, hushed and frightened breathing. We looked at each other.
"Uhh… You okay?" said Rose.
"Shhh…" a voice on the other end hissed.
We went quiet.
Drowning beneath speaker phone static: Staggering footsteps thumped against carpeted floor. Getting closer. Whoever held the phone, suddenly took a quick breath inward and the sound of breathing stopped. They were holding their breath. Unknowingly, I held my own breath as well. More silence followed. The faint static of background room-tone. More thudding footsteps. An image cross my mind. The image of a woman hiding under a bed, holding her breath as intruders wandered about the house.
Whimpering cries, barely audible. At first I thought it was the woman, but it wasn't; The people wandering around her house were crying. Sniffling and sorrowful. Some of them weeping. More thudding footsteps, erratic like a drunk on a stormy ship. Each step louder than the last. Getting closer… closer… and right beside the phone. More weeping, sniffing, and sobbing like an over zealous mourner at a funeral march.
Right beside the phone, a short, stuttered exhale. Breathing. Whoever was hiding, was no longer holding their breath. Quick and desperate, gasps of air until-
-The phone's screen went dark. The call went silent. Rose tapped the screen. Nothing. She pressed down the 'on' button. Nothing. "Battery's dead" said Rose. Our eyes met.
"Is that…" I cleared my throat, "Do you think that's part of the...."
"I don't know…"
"Let's get back to the car."
With newfound urgency, we pushed back down the path from where we came. Nightfall was almost upon us. The slow dim of darkness encroached as shadows soaked up the last pools of sunlight. It's just part of the maze, I kept telling myself. Impressed by the trick: Set up your patrons into thinking it's just another boring Halloween corn-maze and then - pull the rug out with an elaborate bait and switch. But the phone call sounded real. Too real. More convincing than any 'haunted' house we'd ever been to, and we'd been to a lot. We rounded another corner, and Rose lurched to a stop so sudden, I nearly bailed into her.
"Katy," she hissed.
I peered over her shoulder. About ten feet down the pathway lay the stick-man, but that didn't concern me. What concerned me stood about ten-feet past that: a man, over seven feet tall, with his back to us. Naked and dirt-stained, with red twine wrapped around his body. Red twine digging into his skin with tight criss-cross patterns. His head encased by a spherical bird-cage. A bird-cage made of bent sticks and twine. Inside the cage, over a dozen black sparrows frenzied around his head, desperately trying to escape. Some of them pecking and clawing at his blood and shit-stained head.
If this guy worked for the Corn Maze, he’d get an A+ for visual effects and a criminal record for animal abuse. But if this guy didn't work for the corn maze-
"-Okay. You got us," said Rose, trying and failing to sound calm, "We're fucking terrified. Can you show us the way out now?"
No response. Only the sound of frantic birds.
Rose stepped backward, bumping into me, "S-sorry" she whispered. I didn't respond; I was paralyzed. Hypnotized, by the dreadful sight of the man with a spherical bird-cage wrapped around his head. Surreal, almost like a painting. Suddenly, one of the sparrows burst into flame. Then another one. And another one. The fire spread from bird to bird, passing around the cage like rapid contagion. The man groaned in pained, slowly reached up, and pulled at the cage. Burning sparrows circling his head like murderous hornets all the while. He wailed in agony, barely sounding human. Twisting and writhing as he desperately yanked on the cage. Finally, the cage snapped open and the sparrows burst out like shrapnel and slammed into the corn stalks on either side. Crawling flames shot up the walls with surprising speed.
I don't remember turning around. I don't even remember the first ten seconds of running. But there I was, suddenly sprinting faster than I'd ever sprint before, high school track & field included. Rose was right on my heels, or at least, I assumed she was. From behind, a monstrous wall of fire chased us, and the tortured screams of the bird-cage man echoed. The scorching breath of imminent and painful death gasping on our backs.
Up ahead, a fork in the path. Fuck. I didn't think about it. My legs picked up speed, and I slammed headfirst into the wall of cornstalks. Frantically shoving my way forward as dry stalks slapped and clawed against my face. My hair, literally melting from the waves of looming heat. This is it. I’m going to die. The fire climbed above me and glowing ash fell like apocalyptic rain. I was screaming and terrified and-
-I tumbled forward. Breaking out into an open field of fresh air. I scrambled to my feet and rushed ahead. I climbed a grassy slope and collapsed to the ground. Coughing and hacking my lungs out as I stared up at the star-filled skies. ROSE. I snapped up to sitting. She wasn't there. I pushed up to standing, "Rose!?"
Movement. Down by the edge of the burning cornfield. Rose, covered in ash, was army crawling away from the fire. I shot down the hill and hauled towards her. The heat was unimaginable, like sticking your face into a running oven. Rose was unconscious by the time I reached her. I grabbed her by the torso and dragged her away. I dragged her up the slope and collapsed onto my side. Exhausted, and barely breathing.
Head resting on my outstretched arms, my vision was fading. Cornfields aflame down below. Orange glow cast upon the night sky as dancing flames spread further and further. The farm-house, sat on a slope across the cornfield, was burning too. A separate fire? My eyes grew heavy and the world dimmed and everything went dark.
I awoke in a greenish-white hospital room. Oxygen mask gripped to my face, and random tubes stuck in my arms.
"Rose?" I whispered, still barely awake.
"Your friends' gonna be okay." A calming voice replied, and I passed out again. When I woke up, Rose was seated beside me.
"How are you already out of bed?" I said, kind of annoyed.
Rose smiled and shrugged, "Irish luck."
Rolling my eyes, I coughed a little, "How long've I been out?"
"Two days."
"...Yikes." I shifted my weight slightly, and stabbing pain shot up my side.
"Ooh be careful" said Rose, "You got some nasty burns on your back."
"Well shit." I said, settling back down.
"Doctor wants to keep you here a while. Don't worry, nothing too serious."
"Thank god," I said, "I was starting to regret going back for you."
Rose chuckled. We always shared the same sense of morbid humor.
Memories of the corn-maze suddenly came flooding back, "What did the cops say?"
"About the corn-maze?"
I blinked at her, what else would it be?
She looked down at the ground, "...They don't buy it. Fire departments still running a full investigation but, right now, they don’t seem too concerned."
"Yup," said Rose, "I think I lost them at: spontaneously combusting sparrows."
I almost laughed.
"What about the house?" I asked, "The eye-patch lady?"
"They didn't find any bodies."
"What the fuck?"
"That about sums it up." she said, crossing her arms, and leaning back into her chair, "There’s one good thing though," she turned back to me, "I'd say we got our Money's worth."
I chuckled, and more pain shot up my side, "Fuck you, don't make me laugh."
"My bad," Said Rose, turning red and looking down at the floor.
A silence followed, but it wasn't awkward. We'd been friends since grade-school - we’re comfortable with silence.
"Katy." Said rose, looking up and gently taking my hand, "Sorry to be a sentimental sob but… thank you. For coming back." I nodded quietly, finding it hard to speak, but I saw the deep gratitude in her eyes and that was enough. I know shed've done the same for me. She smiled again and glanced down at her arm, then back up to me. My eyes drifted downward and... I saw something that filled me with uncanny dread so strange; it was incomprehensible.
Wrapped around Rose's wrist: The purple bracelet made of plastic flowers.
submitted by Polterkites to nosleep

Factions and Season Pass Controller


Adored - Arc Sniper Rifle
Source: “Forging Your Own Path” quest.
  • Rate of Fire: 90
  • Impact: 70
  • Range: 55
  • Stability: 51
  • Handling: 52
  • Reload Speed: 44
  • Mag size: 4
  • Aim Assist: 68
  • Recoil Direction: 77
  • Zoom: 45
Curated Roll:
Adaptive Frame / Hammer-Forged Rifling / Accurized Rounds / Triple Tap - Killing Wind / Vorpal Weapon - Snapshot Sights
Recommended PvE Perks:
  • Sights: Hammer-Forged Rifling
  • Magazine: Accurized Rounds
  • Perk 1: Triple Tap, Killing Wind
  • Perk 2: Vorpal Weapon, Snapshot Sights
  • Masterwork: Stability
Recommended PvP Perks:
  • Sights: Hammer-Forged Rifling
  • Magazine: Accurized Rounds
  • Perk 1: Killing Wind, Triple Tap
  • Perk 2: Snapshot Sights, Vorpal Weapon
  • Masterwork: Stability
The Beloved replacement as everyone is calling it. Adored is a static roll and in PvE leans heavily into boss, major, and ultra beat-downs. Triple tap and vorpal weapon combined with backup mag will give you enough shots to maximize dps within your damage window. If you have a perfect Ikelos_SR_v1.0.2 and can handle the fire rate then the Ikelos is the better dps weapon, but if you’re new, missed out, or just didn’t bother then Adored is honestly a solid option for PvE.
In PvP is where I think Adored will live and die. A 45 zoom is longer than what most people are used to, but certainly not the longest zoom on a sniper. Snapshot sights and killing wind will make for a highly aggressive play style that I am certainly on board for. If you enjoyed Beloved and want a similar, albeit weaker version, for end game activities Adored is the sniper for you.
Stars in Shadow - Solar Pulse Rifle
Source: Complete Crucible matches and earn rank-up packages from Lord Shaxx.
  • Rate of Fire: 340
  • Impact: 33
  • Range: 66
  • Stability: 49
  • Handling: 31
  • Reload Speed: 41
  • Mag size: 27
  • Aim Assist: 28
  • Recoil Direction: 64
Curated Roll:
High-Impact Frame / Smallbore / Alloy Mag / Outlaw / Thresh
Recommended PvE Perks:
  • Sights: Fluted Barrel, Smallbore, Polygonal Rifling
  • Magazine: Tactical Mag, Appended Mag, Flared Magwell
  • Perk 1: Outlaw, Feeding Frenzy, Field Prep
  • Perk 2: Kill Clip, Dragonfly, Vorpal Weapon
  • Masterwork: Reload
Recommended PvP Perks:
  • Sights: Smallbore, Polygonal Rifling
  • Magazine: Steady Rounds, Tactical Mag, Accurized Rounds
  • Perk 1: Quickdraw, Firmly Planted, Surplus, Killing Wind
  • Perk 2: Headseeker, Kill Clip, Moving Target
  • Masterwork: Stability
I’m honestly excited for this pulse rifle. I really enjoy high-impact pulse rifles and Premonition from Pit of Heresy was sunset. Having a direct replacement from Crucible is fantastic. For PvE you really just want to bump up the abysmal 31 handling. Arrowhead improves the recoil direction a ton but if you find it okay then fluted will be a better handling bump. The next thing we improve is the magazine from 9 bursts to 10, 11, or 12 depending on what mag option you go for. I think 11 is the sweet spot, but you don’t get the stat bonuses that you would from tactical mag. Outlaw and kill clip are the easy choices for best combos, especially for solo play. For group activities I can see disruption break being a top choice, pulse rifles do get anti-barrier so having disruption break could be the difference in grandmaster activities and the new raid.
For PvP you get access to quickdraw on a high-impact pulse rifle, which is a first. With this perk you can completely ignore one of this archetype’s biggest weaknesses, its handling. Which means you can fully invest into bumping up the stability to make two bursts easier. Depending on how you feel about the range either mitigate some of the range lost by steady rounds with smallbore or go fully into stability with polygonal rifling. Headseeker does make the two burst easier, but kill clip makes the second kill so much easier.
Xenoclast IV - Arc Shotgun
Source: Complete strikes and earn rank-up packages from Commander Zavala
  • Rate of Fire: 80
  • Impact: 65
  • Range: 50
  • Stability: 40
  • Handling: 69
  • Reload Speed: 59
  • Mag size: 6
  • Aim Assist: 44
  • Recoil Direction: 43
Curated Roll:
Lightweight Frame / Smallbore / Steady Rounds / Clown Cartridge / Unrelenting
Recommended PvE Perks:
  • Sights: Barrel Shroud, Smallbore, Corkscrew Rifling
  • Magazine: Assault Mag, Tactical Mag, Appended Mag
  • Perk 1: Auto-Loading Holster, Field Prep, Grave Robber
  • Perk 2: Trench Barrel, Vorpal Weapon, One-Two Punch
  • Masterwork: Reload
Recommended PvP Perks:
  • Sights: Full Choke, Rifled Barrel
  • Magazine: Assault Mag, Light Mag
  • Perk 1: Surplus, Slideshot, Slideways
  • Perk 2: Killing Wind, Vorpal Weapon, Demolitionist
  • Masterwork: Handling
I’m happy we get another lightweight shotgun to play with but I do wish it was kinetic. I was able to farm so many Seventh Seraph CQC-12’s my vault could be filled twice over. However the only kinetic lightweight was sunset. For PvE this is kind of a perk monster, similar to the other two vender weapons. Meaning you’ll be hard pressed to get your favorite roll, but you do have all season, if not longer. For PvE I really like a snappy shotgun. Since range isn’t ideal on PvE shotguns (you’re more than likely barrel-stuffing anyway) barrel shroud just improves your guns' snappiness. In terms of mags you can go one of a few different ways. If you want pure burst damage then the best choice is assault mag to really empty your magazine. For more general play I’d recommend tactical mag or appended mag. Both increase your magazine to the 7 cap without any downsides, meaning you can slot a boss or major spec in your mod slot. For trait perks it’s really hard to decide which is best. As a “primary” grave robber easily becomes the best in slot, with any of the melee focused perks. For more DPS heavy shotgun auto-loading holster combined with vorpal weapon is easily the best major buster. Whichever you choose there’s plenty of personalization for this shotgun.
For PvP this will not beat the Seventh Seraph CQC-12. Surplus combined with higher handling and assault mag could be close but actually having quickdraw beats a pseudo-quickdraw. Especially if you use your abilities a lot as that drastically reduces the handling from surplus. If you’re okay with a slower shotgun either as a main or if you’re using an exotic like Dragon’s Shadow or Ophidian Aspects then the Xenoclast IV has an incredible final perk slot. Killing wind, eye of the storm, vorpal, demolitionist, thresh, disruption break just to name a few. Killing wind is the obvious best in slot for follow up shotgun shots. Vorpal weapon for the prevalent supers, and demolitionist for just more grenades to please Shaxx. There’s a lot of customization on the vendor weapons this season. So you can really fine-tune this shotgun for you.
Crowd Pleaser - Void Grenade Launcher
Source: Complete Gambit matches and earn rank-up packages from the Drifter.
  • Rate of Fire: 120
  • Blast Radius: 30
  • Velocity: 39
  • Stability: 47
  • Handling: 46
  • Reload Speed: 47
  • Mag size: 5
  • Aim Assist: 58
  • Recoil Direction: 70
Curated Roll:
Adaptive Frame / Volatile Launch / Mini Frags / Genesis / Thresh
  • Sights: Quick Launch, Linear Compensator, Countermass
  • Magazine: Spike Grenades, Alloy Casing
  • Perk 1: Clown Cartridge, Field Prep
  • Perk 2: Chain Reaction, Demolitionist
  • Masterwork: Reload
Recommended PvP Perks:
  • Sights: Volatile Launch, Confined Launch, Linear Compensator
  • Magazine: Proximity Grenades
  • Perk 1: Killing Wind, Threat Detector
  • Perk 2: Quickdraw, Rampage, Demolitionist
  • Masterwork: Blast Radius
I’m very interested to test out chain reaction more. A firefly effect on an explosion? More explosions? Heck yeah! It’s like a better Oxygen SR3 with so many less shots. If it works the way I think it does you can set up your loadout to have this in your heavy slot for add-clear, and have a specialized long and short range major and boss killer. You really won’t need a primary with this, but I do need to test this perk a LOT more. So more details hopefully soon.
In PvP I can’t really justify this being better than a Play of the Game, you could opt for a similar roll with both proxy grenades and killing wind for ease of use and better mobility after a kill, respectively. Overall much more of a PvE gun.

Season Pass Rewards

Royal Chase - Void Scout Rifle
Source: Season pass reward.
  • Rate of Fire: 180
  • Impact: 62
  • Range: 44
  • Stability: 44
  • Handling: 47
  • Reload Speed: 46
  • Mag size: 16
  • Aim Assist: 63
  • Recoil Direction: 63
Curated Roll:
Precision Frame / Arrowhead Brake / Flared Magwell / Auto-Loading Holster / Dragonfly
Recommended PvE Perks:
  • Sights: Fluted Barrel, Smallbore Polygonal Rifling
  • Magazine: Tactical Mag, Appended Mag, Flared Magwell
  • Perk 1: Field Prep, Full Auto Trigger System
  • Perk 2: Multikill Clip, Dragonfly, Quickdraw
  • Masterwork: Reload
Recommended PvP Perks:
  • Sights: Smallbore, Polygonal Rifling
  • Magazine: Steady Rounds, Tactical Mag, Accurized Rounds
  • Perk 1: No Distractions, Full Auto Trigger System
  • Perk 2: Quickdraw, Thresh, Multikill Clip
  • Masterwork: Stability
I personally have never liked this archetype of scout rifle. The original Nameless Midnight was a workhorse for me back in year 1 before I got my hands on Midnight Coup. But even during year 1 I never fully enjoyed using Nameless Midnight, I just did because there wasn’t any better option. When Distant Relation dropped I really enjoyed the sights but the frame kept me from loving it. With all that said, I’m not impressed with Royal Chase. It looks almost like a carbon copy of Distant Relation. The lack of outlaw or feeding frenzy really puts a limit on how much I’ll enjoy using it for daily PvE activities. You can definitely make a case for this weapon as multikill clip is an amazing perk with insane uptime. Field prep is basically outlaw on command with a crouch at the start but there’s nothing that stands out to me as this weapon being a “must have.”
For PvP you can make this scout work, but a 4 shot kill with really low handling and pretty high zoom will make it hard to justify over an auto, smg, sidearm, hand cannon, or even Jade Rabbit. To make this work you’re going to want to push out your engagement ranges (hard to do on most maps, I know) just to give this as much breathing room as possible. Adding some stability won’t hurt as to make follow up shots easier. No distractions will help with incoming flinch, and quickdraw really mitigates one of the prior cons I have with Royal Chase. Best of luck if you do try to use this in PvP.
Blast Battue - Arc Grenade Launcher
Source: Season pass reward.
  • Rate of Fire: 120
  • Blast Radius: 30
  • Velocity: 44
  • Stability: 44
  • Handling: 47
  • Reload Speed: 46
  • Mag size: 6
  • Aim Assist: 63
  • Recoil Direction: 63
Curated Roll:
Adaptive Frame / Quick Launch / High-Velocity Rounds / Moving Target / Rampage
Recommended PvE Perks:
  • Sights: Quick Launch, Linear Compensator, Countermass
  • Magazine: Spike Grenades, Alloy Casing
  • Perk 1: Clown Cartridge
  • Perk 2: Chain Reaction, Wellspring, Auto-Loading Holster
  • Masterwork: Reload
Recommended PvP Perks:
  • Sights: Volatile Launch, Confined Launch, Linear Compensator
  • Magazine: Proximity Grenades
  • Perk 1: Quickdraw, Killing Wind
  • Perk 2: Wellspring, Disruption Break, Rampage
  • Masterwork: Blast Radius
Did someone say more explosions? Blast Battue says more explosions. Comparing Crowd Pleaser to Blast Battue is an easy one. Crowd Pleaser has more perks to choose from, making the loot pool harder to get your preferred roll, but it also has better perks to choose from than Blast Battue. If you’re looking for a quick GL to use and don’t really care then this GL will serve you very well. Having access via the season pass and levelling that up to give you more of these from any activity will just make this GL more enticing for people who dislike Gambit.
For PvP you know the drill. Proximity grenades for ease of use. High blast radius to counteract the drop from proxy and make the AoE even bigger. Quickdraw for hot swaps after picking up power ammo. Wellspring or disruption break could be interesting plays. Wellspring is great for ability uptime, and if you don’t net the kill disruption break will make your kinetic do 50% more damage. Great for cleanups.
submitted by pandapaxxy to sharditkeepit

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